You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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