i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize