I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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