I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
