i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
