We're facebook friends in real life
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
