FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This toilet bowl is my home.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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