Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
