i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
