So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
