We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
