don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
