Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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