At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
