i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
