I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
