i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
