"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
