whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
