please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
