Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
