on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
