I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
