I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
