This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
