i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
