My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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