Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
