Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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