I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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