Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
