Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
