i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
