so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
