I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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