You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
