He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it was like eating out sand paper
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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