There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
