i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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