would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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