Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
