Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
