Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
FUCK WHALES
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
