He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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