I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
