??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
