we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
