I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i now understand why vodka
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
