grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
