what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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