She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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