i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
