So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
