I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
