i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
