You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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