well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
