i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
