Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
