How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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