I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
