honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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