I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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