omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
sex in a hospital.. check
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
