This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
