We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize