just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
