Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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