Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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