Where did you get a picture of my penis
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
