So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
