took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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