i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
