true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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