The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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