she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
