Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
