the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
