My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
