It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
