So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I cockslap morals
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
