You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
